#18 – Mantras We Live By

Join us for part 1 of this 2-part conversation on the mantras that serve as anchors for our personal growth and decision-making. We discuss the importance of self-trust and surrender, the power of positive affirmations, and delve into how these mantras help us navigate life's challenges, embrace possibilities, and cultivate a mindset of empowerment. We encourage listeners to 'try on' these mantras and notice what resonates, ultimately fostering a deeper connection to your own inner guidance and potential.

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Transcript

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Welcome friends to this week's episode of the podcast. I am excited to be here with Dez and talk about some mantras that we live by. I know mantras is a phrase that certain people would resonate with. And if that's not a word that you would use, feel free to think of it in terms of life principles, guiding pillars for your life, declarations, anything that is a deeper truth that we use as anchors for our life, especially in our decision-making. Sometimes just having a short phrase that you can fall back on is a great way to anchor yourself to truth in any given moment. Yeah, that's so great. I think in the work that we're doing and the study that we've had, the Polyvagal Theory and the somatic work, when you hear these mantras I want you to think about how does it feel to try this truth on? It's like going shopping and you're gonna try on a jacket or try on something. How does it feel when you believe this truth, this mantra? What do you notice? What emotions follow this truth? What do you think about your life? What actions do you feel like you wanna do when you believe this belief? We have many, we had to edit them down because we have so many things that have transformed us. And we're going to get right into it because we, like I said, we have so much to share. We've grouped these into categories. And so I'm gonna just ask you Mel, when you think of some mantras for trust that help you surrender in your life, is there one that you really lean on as a strong belief for you? Well, a slight backstory for this one because up, I was a rule follower. I liked to know what was expected of me. was important to me to feel like I had permission. I had a strong respect for authority. So I always wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to get anything wrong. That's probably my Enneagram One personality coming through, but there was just a strong internal drive of, I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. And I did not want to get in trouble. So I would often look to external sources to tell me whether or not I was okay to move forward. I would look externally for permission. And when I was young, that wasn't necessarily a negative thing because for the most part, I actually had people who really cared about me and who wanted to guide me in the right direction. So I really did get some good advice and good guidance by looking externally. But I also realized as I got older that I would often struggle to make decisions for myself. And so the mantra that I've adopted says the light is green until it's red. And that has been a real game changer for me because as I've healed and gone on an emotional health journey, a spiritual health journey, I have learned to lean more and more into the internal guidance system that I believe God has given all of us. I believe we all have that inner GPS system where he speaks to us through our heart, through our intuition, through the wisdom of our body, even through our desires. And so as I've leaned into the mantra, the light is green until it's red, what that's helped me to do is to stop outsourcing all of my autonomy, my agency to other people. And instead start looking internally and trust that because I acknowledge God in all my ways, he has promised that he will direct my paths. And so I can continue making forward progress, taking the next step that I feel prompted to take and trust that as doors are open and If there's not a red light, I can actually keep moving forward believing that the path is open until I hear otherwise. It used to be my mindset was more the light is red until it's green and I need lots and lots of permission and lots and lots of external confirmation before I felt safe enough to move forward. As I've learned to trust myself more, as I've learned, actually, I can make good decisions. I am capable of making good decisions. I do make good decisions. That's taken, we've, you know, a topic we might say is like an external locus of control and instead turning it into an internal locus of control where I am able to be powerful in my own life. And shifting from that light is red until it's green to a light is green until it's red philosophy or mantra has helped me take action on things. Whereas I used to just delay and pause and overthink and then sometimes miss opportunities because you might've heard the phrase analysis paralysis. That was me. I would overthink and second guess myself and things would pass me by sometimes. And sometimes there were painful lessons because I didn't feel confident enough to make my own decision. But now being able to internalize that green light mentality, that permission granted mentality, that has helped me. And I have to credit it with uh a season that I spent in a specific faith environment where that was really one of the strong core values of that church that I was in. And being in that environment and actually seeing people demonstrate it and demonstrate it in healthy ways really gave me a lot of confidence to begin stepping out and just assuming, hey, like I said, I can make good decisions. I can trust that God is guiding my steps. I don't have to overthink everything. It's really helped me take action on some things that otherwise I would have overanalyzed and potentially still be sitting in places of indecision today. Does that resonate with you as well, Dez? Yeah, I mean, I just think that overall I've heard, you know, in this mantra or this belief system that the light is always green until it's red. encourages self-trust and it encourages and facilitates more trust in God. I think that those experiences in our lives and in our systems as a whole is a flourishing environment, where you have self-trust and trust in God. Both are really important for a flourishing life. So I love that mantra. Powerful. love that you touched on the self-trust and trust in God. I think I had an unhealthy relationship with my trust with God. It was actually quite fear-based at times. I love that you highlighted the self-trust because that is the balance to me that I have learned. And I actually, remember hearing Jesus say to me one time, he said, Melissa, I trust you more than you trust yourself. I need you to grow in your trust of yourself because I'm trusting you up here. And, you know, he was like showing me this high level of trust that he had. And by comparison, he showed me that my trust in myself was actually very low. And it was hamstringing me from moving forward into even the desires and dreams that he had for my life because of that lack of trust for myself. And so I love that you compare the two because they really do go hand in hand to me. And I think a sign of spiritual maturity is actually the growth in trusting ourselves. Yeah. Does, I know we've said this before, but maturity would be like, would we as a parent want our children to begin to have trust in their inner voice and their inner knowing in the dynamic of believing that God is with them and that they can move forward in their life. So I just loved how we've wrapped this up and brought it back to those. Trust in self and trust in God are key elements to a flourishing safe life. Yeah, yeah. Dez, know you have a mantra you love in this trust and surrender category. Can you talk to me about what that is and a little bit about the backstory and where it came from and why it's so significant to your life? I'm just laughing because I think of some of my clients they're like, Dez, you're always saying this. And this is because it's so vital as a part of my system, as a part of my belief that's helped support me. And the mantra is, I can't call it yet. And it's actually an invitation to pause the conclusions I might be coming to, the doomsday of like what this means in a positive or a negative way, but most often in a negative way. And this saying came out of a story, it's an ancient Chinese proverb. And in this story, there is a young farmer and then there's an older Chinese farmer and the elder farmer is retiring, he's convalescing, he's at the end of his life and so the son's taking over and when he's out gardening and cultivating his radishes, the horse gets off and the horse runs away and he can't get his horse back and he comes back to the father and he's saying, father, our life is ruined. Our life is ruined. I lost the horse. I can never get him back. I won't be able to make enough money to sell all the radishes. You're gonna starve to death, starve to death. And the father, the wise father says, I don't know son, I can't call it yet. And the son's like, you're crazy. It's over. It's over. A week or so later, the young farmer's wandering around the village, just preparing for, impending doom and just, you know, to go hungry. And he sees his horse running over the fields running back towards the farm. And not only is the horse there, but a whole herd of wild stallions. He's collected them in his week off, a gallivanting. And so the son books it to the farm, opens the corral and all the horses come in and he closes the gate and he jumps for joy and he runs inside and says, father, our life is made. Our life is made. And the father in all of the son's excitement and joy tells the son, I don't know son, I can't call it yet. Like maybe, you know, just let's go ahead and pause and delay. If there's positive things that are happening or challenging things, let's not create for one, shame-filled identity stories of why this happened. That is why this has landed so well in my system. Shame has been such a big part of my life. Introducing I can't call it yet helps remind me, actually it doesn't mean what that shame narrative is telling me. It doesn't mean I've failed. It doesn't mean I'm the worst farmer ever. It doesn't mean that I fill in the blank. And if I can pause and delay these conclusions or the assumptions about what the rest of my life will be like because of this one challenging moment, I live in so much more freedom. I live in so much more peace. I live in so much more safety that I am going to be able to navigate through the challenges and the good things in life and that they're a part of life. And if I can't call it yet means I can't call it like, who knows? Who knows what's gonna happen? We can't really know until we know. Let's be in that in between space with a little more openness instead of the conclusions that usually take us out. Those internal stories we tell ourselves, sometimes we prematurely jump to a conclusion. And I know I've heard that Chinese story before as well. And it actually has multiple different scenarios where you think, it's gone good. Oh, it's gone bad. Oh, it's a disaster. And there's multiple scenarios where it just shows again and again, calling it too quickly, assigning something as good or bad. It's terrible. It's wonderful. Yes. That's taking a small snapshot of time or a small one experience and projecting that into even the future. Because if you call it too quickly, like you said, shame narrative, you call it too quickly. And all of a sudden you send yourself into a spiral and you potentially miss the ways that the solution would have presented itself or resolved itself because you've determined what something means before it's actually had its full chance to play out. Yeah, 100%. And I think that everyone does this to some level. I can totally see that I've done this in so many times. Like, what does it mean that my kid didn't make the team? Okay. And then we go there and then we just, it's kind of this roller coaster of life where we're riding the meanings that we're assigning to our experiences. And I can't call it yet. It's like, no, wait, pause, delay those assigning meanings and just let there be space for the good to happen. And that's really very balancing in uh the roller coaster of life. It's like, okay, well this is happening, but it doesn't mean that my life will be in the pits and going completely downhill. That's great. It's a good one, Dez. Ever since I've known you, I feel like that's been something that has been a guiding force for your life. And it's definitely been a mantra that I've been able to consider from time to time because it's been so important to you. I love... reminding myself of it as well. Now I think, yeah, that's what Dez would say. So it's great the way we can even influence each other with our mantras. Yeah, we definitely borrow from each other. There's been so many truths in your life that I've borrowed from you and it's been powerful. Yeah, it's fun. And that's why we wanna share it with the listeners too, because some of these might be really familiar to you, others might be a little newer, but that's the beauty of this conversation. You can pick and choose. It's like a little all you can eat buffet. You take some from this plate if you want it and you leave that one over there if it doesn't resonate. We're setting a table for you today and letting you choose what you would like. Exactly. Is there anything else in this trust or surrender category, Mel, that you would want to share with the listener? Yeah, another saying that I return to often is it's this or something better. And this ties to a deeper belief for me, think us being women with faith-based backgrounds, relationship with God, for me, it falls down to a bedrock foundational belief of mine that God is good. And was it Einstein who said, we all have to ask ourselves the question, is the universe inherently friendly or we living in a friendly universe? And I think the deeper truth is God is always good, which leads me, it's like the fruit of God is good leads me to the fruit of it's this or something better. And it in a way ties to your, I can't call it yet because how I work it out in my life is when it comes to the things that I desire, the things maybe I'm desiring for my kids or things that I want to see happen in my life and the life of my loved ones, I feel the light is green until it's red has given me a lot of permission to go for those things. However, the surrendered part, we're talking about these mantras that are our trust and surrender mantras. The surrender part for me goes, and because I know that God is good, I know that as I go for a dream, as I go for a goal, I know that however it works out, I'm going to have this, or it's going to be something that I haven't even considered yet. And that falls back into God is good.

It falls back into Ephesians 3: 15:57

20 of God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think. Sometimes the things I'm going for, I'm thinking too small. For me, it's this or something better puts my heart in a posture of I am not going to ultimately lose. God is working everything together for my good. There is not a single detail of my life that he is not paying attention to. And ah as I have permission and I pursue and I dream and I build and I do the things that are in my heart to do on this earth and I will do the best I can. But if it doesn't work out, because sometimes we go for things and it doesn't work out the way we think. If I have that grounding belief that it's this or it's something better, then I don't allow disappointment to knock me the way it used to. This wasn't a mantra that I've always lived with. And so in seasons past where things wouldn't work out, I would sometimes let the disappointment take me out and then I would be feeling hopeless. It can send us into a spiral of okay, well, maybe I just shouldn't have hoped or maybe silly me, just shouldn't have gone for it. If I instead hold okay, it didn't look, it didn't appear to work out the way that I wanted it to. But if I know that God's not withholding any good thing for me, if I know he's working everything together, I know that it's going to be even something better. And holding onto that has anchored me to a very deep sense of hope. And I think hope is an incredibly underrated quality and state of life that we can live in. And for me, it's actually been an anchor. Anchoring to hope my value for it has gone even higher. The more I encounter, and we both obviously work with clients and different people, the more I encounter people who struggle with really strong feelings of hopelessness, which is, very relatable when we've had lots of setbacks or things that have knocked us down or we've had really hard seasons in life. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

That's what Proverbs 13: 18:04

12 says. But if I can anchor to hope and I know, it's always going to be working out for me, it's going to be this, or it's going to be an even better outcome that I just haven't considered yet, that has provided a lifeline for me to be able to continue getting back up again when I feel like I've been knocked down. And the number of times that things have turned out better than I thought has reinforced the belief that things are always working out for me. Things are always working out for my good. It's always this or something better. I think it also connects us to the beliefs of not needing to the surrender part of, I don't need to control every step of this path. I actually can trust. I can move forward and trust for myself, but also I can also trust God. And if I am anchored to the truth of his goodness and I'm anchored to hope. Not only does it help me not call things, I don't call things too quickly. I let it unfold, but it absolutely keeps my mindset in a positive frame of mind rather than letting me spiral down into the depths of despair. So it's a big deal. That's a big one for me. That it's this or something better would probably be in my top three. It is a big deal for me. And it's absolutely transformed the way I show up. Yes, I mean, I can see so many similarities between I can't call it yet and if it's not this it's something better. And the number one thing is you can hold or pause, like I was saying, like pause, it allows for God. And I think, like you said, the ability to pause, the ability to hold hope, the ability to wait and anticipate and say, I may not see it yet, but the goodness of God is present. Mm-hmm. just waiting for it to come. If not this, it's something better. I just think that it's a very, like you said, a healthy spiritual way to hold all the different things in life that we experience. So, so good. I love that one too. Love it. Feels so close. so true. And it lays, to me it lays an ax to the root of uh the doubt or sometimes unbelief that tries to creep in about our beliefs of like, is God really good? I mean, which is, you look back to the Garden of Eden, I mean, when the devil was talking to Eve, it's like, did God really say, is he who he says he is? And I think that's often the, the deeper lie that we have to work through sometimes. If I don't really believe God is good, then that opens the door for me into a whole slew of belief systems that disempower me and actually can keep me stuck. And so this for me feels like a very foundational, it is this or it is something better. And also I think it opens a winning mindset of we don't have to lose here. You're actually not created to lose, you're created to win. And yeah, I could get passionate. I am passionate about this one, but to me it is that underlying factor of God is good and he is good all the time. And there's no, absolutely no question in mind that he is only ever good. And it shuts the door for me on some of those little things that sneak in and try to creep into your mind and into your beliefs and undermine so much of what you're created for. This slams the door shut on that for me. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Let's move on to some different mantras now. These we would categorize as uh identity and possibility mantras. What's one of your favorites from this category, Dez? Yeah, I think this has been a pillar for me and a strong truth that I'm the only person that can stop me. In my life, when it comes to possibilities or the things I desire, my dreams, my hopes, I am the number one person who can disqualify me, who can take me out before I even start or it can say, no, you shouldn't have done that. There's all this proof that you shouldn't be doing that. I'm the number one person who can stop me and I'm the number one person who can support me. I am the one person who can give myself the permission to do the thing that I want. So oftentimes, and we've talked about this we are looking for somebody to say, you should do that. That's important. And I think that's part of dreaming. Like we need the community of it being seen. But the number one person I need is me. I have to acknowledge and say yes to and validate that this is an important dream. It's worthy. It's honorable. It's good. Even if we fail, I'm really glad that you're doing this. I think it's important that we try. I think it's worth it that we have stepped out. It's not based on any outcome. It's solely based on me totally being on my team. And the opposite of being on my team would be to disqualify me before I even begin. And I have done this for decades. And it breaks my heart just to think of all the things that I told myself that I shouldn't do, I can't do, I'm not qualified to do. That someone smarter knows this better than me, who's going to listen. I think this is very counter imposter syndrome. This is something that I've really developed to, to support myself in some imposter syndrome experiences. Was there a shift for you? Like a specific moment or a life experience that really helped this become more cemented in your life? Yeah, I would say most recently, it's within my business. I think that I got to this place in my business where I wanted more. I felt that openness and desire, but I couldn't necessarily, I didn't know all the steps or how to get there. And what I realized is one of the biggest fears I had is that if I kept trying, if I kept kind of reaching for it, that if I were to fail, I would then turn on myself and I would say, see, you don't deserve this. See, you're the worst. You never should have tried this. And the fear of me doing that to myself, because I was thought to myself, my husband isn't gonna do this. My friends aren't gonna tell me these things. Who am I afraid that's gonna actually turn on me and believe the worst? And it was me. And so when I noticed that I was the one person who could say, go for it, do it. I'm gonna love you and support you no matter what. And I really radically got on my team. Everything changed in my business. I just went for it. I just started putting myself out there. I got to learn a lot because I didn't stop myself before I learned. Wow. and learning as I go, yep. So that was a huge shift for me. And that was probably a couple of years ago in my business. Wow. And really taking the ownership back and taking the accountability back to yourself rather than outsourcing it to everybody else, again, waiting for permission from other people to do the things that are in your heart to do. Right. And this is just one small caveat. think, I think some listeners might recognize or see themselves in it is I think up until now having been predominantly a stay at home mom, working a little outside the house. But I think there was a part of me that was like, I could almost fall on the fact, well I have the kids, I have to do this and the kids need this and that. And I felt that come up inside of like what you're saying, the ownership part. Cause I realized if I went for this, if this didn't work, it's all going to be on me. And I, I didn't have anything to hide behind. If that makes sense. The vulnerability of that really, I had to actually feel it and acknowledge that inside of this vulnerability moment, which it absolutely is. When you go for your dream, it's one of the most vulnerable experiences for any human. But I was like, if I can hold on to me, if I can guarantee that I've got my own back, then I'm the only person who can stop me. And I'm the one person who says green light go. So yeah, this has really changed a lot. It's brought so much momentum in my business and in my life because of this belief and just noticing that I hold that power. And so empowering, I'm sure, to the people that you're impacting and working with as well, getting to lead by example, because not living out our purpose is something that a lot of people struggle with. And there's lots of reasons for that. But this feels like a core foundation of if you really are serious about doing the things with your life that you want to, this is a fundamental belief and truth that you need to pick up and begin running with. Yes. Try it on. Try it on. Try it out. See where in your life you can start to apply this. And what does that feel like? What do you notice when you realize for one that you're the person who can stop you or tell you to go and then to show up and be present and stay on your team no matter what the outcome is? Who knows what you would do? Who knows where you would get to? Mmm, How about you, sweetie? yeah, I just want to say this. You know, the top, is it the top five regrets of the dying? I know one of the regrets of the dying is not having gone after the things that they wanted to do and letting the fear of what other people would think or their reactions dictate to them their decisions. uh One of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver, it ends with the line, tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Now that line hits me. And so when you were talking, I'm the only person who can stop me. Yes. It's so true. I think there's so many good mantras that we're sharing that really are powerful truths, but this is one of the ones that I like. I'm like, hey guys, if you take one thing from this today, besides God is good, how much power you hold in your life. And let it be that nudge to action that some of you are sitting on. You're going, I need another sign. I'm like, this is your sign. This is your sign. You are the only one who can stop you. I don't want people to get to the end of their lives and live a life of regret. And ultimately I can't control what others do, but that's something that almost breaks my heart when I watch people trip over again and again their fears. And, I've had to hold myself to account to that. And I love that you said this was a antidote to imposter syndrome. It was like, here's the drug that you take to overcome imposter syndrome. It's something so many of us struggle with. And it's something that I so want to see people set free of because I think we both live with the conviction that there is a purpose that each person is born with. And there's a DNA that God is placed within them that looks like dreams and gifts and talents and living that out and walking in alignment with that is one of the most exhilarating journeys we can be on. And as part of the reason I wanted to share mantras today is like, how do we empower people? How do we help them take that next step? Try it on for size, pick the ones that fit, leave the ones that don't, but whatever you do, let it be a call to action of what you are so capable of. And I'm sure Dez, you would say, since you took this step and you started what I would say backing yourself, I bet you've seen some major breakthroughs in your business, would you say? I mean, quadruple in terms of people coming, support, new dreams, even my ability to believe bigger things for myself. It just keeps growing every year. The more and more I support and I have the history of me saying, no, I'm not gonna stop you. There's more that's coming alive. There's more flourishing, there's more blossoming that can grow because it has that root system. God's not stopping me. That was clear. I was like, who's stopping me? It's me. Really, you couldn't stop me. So-and-so across the street can't stop me. There's really nobody who can stop me because just the idea of perseverance and the human ability to overcome so many things. People or experiences really can't stop us. We're the number one factor. And so by continually supporting that it has transformed the momentum and the openness and the joy. And it's so much fun because there's no pressure. You know, it's like, I can fail at this. It doesn't even matter. Like, let's try it. You know, so it's, it's transformed. much. Yeah. It has lowered the stakes. Cause if I'm to love myself no matter what, it'd be like, Oh shoot, we shouldn't have done it like that. That sucks. Like I'm just learning something. I'm not shaming myself. I'm not condemning myself. I'm not saying, you should have never done this. You're the worst... da da da da. I'm really delaying those, those, know, it's like, can't call it yet from this disappointment. I can't call it yet. So I really just combine them all together, all these mantras and they just support, support, support. It's like a little book. So good. They do and they weave together. That's very true. Yeah, for sure. They've grown, I think, organically from our experiences as this is a truth that brings a lot of life and hope. The fruit of these mantras, these truths, transform, bring peace, bring hope. So I love them. uh I want to spend time dwelling on them because of that. them in your life to create more fruitfulness. Yeah. Love that. Okay. So how about you in terms of possibilities or the way you make decisions? Any other mantras you want to share with us? Yes, this one, I've heard a couple of people use this mantra before. And so I don't know where it originates, but it is, if it's not a hell yeah, it's a no. Some people may prefer if it's not a yes than a no or whatever. For me, hell yeah has a certain resonance of like, hell A hell yeah is something that is a full bodied yes to me. A hell yeah is something of like, there's a strong yes, there's a strong affirmative in my heart when the possibility is presented to me. And so if it's not a hell yeah, it's a no has been incredibly helpful in helping me weed out the good ideas from the ideas that have a lot of life on them. As somebody in the past who had a tendency to say yes simply because I could. I would say yes to whatever people asked me. If I could do it, I would say yes. And if it's not a hell yeah, it's a no has helped me streamline my focus and enabled me to begin learning to say yes to the things are a strong yes for me. And because I've had the tendency in the past to overextend myself and to stretch myself too thin, this has helped me focus and say yes to the few things. And then also by default, it's taught me to say no to things that maybe are somebody else's good idea, but isn't mine or isn't the thing for me. It's allowed me to manage my capacity more, Good. and allowed me to be more effective with the things that I am saying yes to. And it's helped me get more in touch with my own heart. If I say, is this a hell yeah, rather than is this a yes or is it a no, then to me is like, is this like a 9 or a 10 out of 10 desire for me? And as I've started to say yes to those things, and then the things that are a four or a five or a six, just because it's a good idea doesn't mean it's the best thing for me. Just because I can doesn't mean I should. I mean, that's almost the flip side of this mantra, which, you know, that would have its own conversation. Yeah. Just because I can doesn't mean I should is also like a sister mantra to this one of if it's not a hell yeah, it's a no. And so it's really had to teach me better boundaries. It's had to teach me how to graciously turn things down. It's had to teach me the process of being okay if sometimes people are disappointed with my answers, but it's also grown my own autonomy. It's grown my own sense of agency. It's grown a sense of alignment within myself so that the things I'm saying yes to feel very aligned with what feels most important. And it's kept me checking in on a regular basis. So I don't just go on autopilot because I think for a lot of my life, I let other people guide my decisions. You need help? Sure, I'll do it. You need this? Sure, I'll do it. Do I have anything on that day and you're asking for help that day? Well, why wouldn't I say yes, because I don't have anything on. Whereas now I take a step back and go, hmm, actually, do I feel a strong sense of life? Do I feel a strong hell yeah or yes? And sometimes if I don't, I've had to really become more comfortable with going this is a no and I don't even necessarily have a great reason why. It's not because I'm double booked. It's actually just, I need to protect my time and my capacity. As somebody who veered dangerously close to burnout on a number of occasions, I have had to learn to manage my own capacity with a lot more intention, but it's meant that the things that I have said yes to have felt very exciting, joyful, full of enthusiasm, full of life. And it's also drastically reduced any chance of resentment creeping into my life because there was definitely a lot of times that on a subconscious or maybe not so subconscious level, I would feel resentful, but it's because I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know how to actually draw boundaries around my time, around my commitments. And that was nobody else's fault but mine. So it's caused me to take a lot more ownership. Yeah, resentment makes so much sense when you're an autopilot, as a fruit of like, I'm just autopiloting through life. And then of course, like maybe you see yourself in autopilot or in resentment. And I love this because I know I've heard you say this so often and I see you live by this. It's very empowering because it helps you become ultra focused on your heart and what it is that you're wanting to do. It's a natural boundary that you can put into place by asking yourself this question. And I see you do this all the time and it's so inspiring. thanks, friend. And it's forced me to tune in to my intuition guidance system much more, which has helped me in my own journey as somebody who spent a lot of my life very dissociated from my body and quite disconnected from my own emotions because of that autopilot living. Now it's forced me to get much more in touch. And so it's much easier for me to tell when I'm veering off or veering away from where those internal yeses lie. And so it results in less self abandonment. I'm not as likely to run over myself as I used to. And that feels really important to me. feels important to me to model to my children. It feels important to me in the things that I'm wanting to collaborate on or build. I don't ever want a person that I'm working with to feel the underlying ill feelings or resentful feelings that I'm feeling because I didn't manage myself well, that's not the other person's fault. And so I think it extends an invitation to other people when we have healthy boundaries around our yes and no. It also demonstrates what it can look like and I think it invites other people into their own process with that as well. And that feels important to me, especially to model to my children. In a hustle culture where you can run over yourself so easily, I think it's really important. To me, it's a mindfulness practice in many respects. Wow, that's so true. Cause it's like, can have everything. And at the same time, if you think that you'll, you'll end up with nothing. Like you don't actually get the, the thing that you really, really want. So this is a very reorienting, yeah, mindfulness, direction- giving mantra. Love it so much. So powerful. I know we talk about them and I'm like, you share one. I think, that's a good one. Then I share one. I think, that's a good one too. Collectively between us, we have decades and decades of life. So we weren't born with these. This is hard earned trial and error and stumbling and falling down and getting back up. And so some of the things that we have to me, it feels like a fine wine or it feels like a a well cooked dish or meal because some of what we've landed with now is because we tried 30 different ways and fell flat. And so we're going, okay, now that we've found something that works, it's precious to us. Yeah, that's what it feels like a treasure. It feels like something of great value to my life. It's like wisdom that we've forged in the fires of life. That's so good. That's so good. Well, we have one last one. And it's something that we both resonate with and it's something we both shared. For me, this is developed in these last couple of years, like I said, going for my business and dreaming and expanding my upper limit and where my ceiling is or what I think I'm possible of doing or attaining or experiencing. And it's the mantra of why not me? My heart would tell me what it would desire and I would hit into the imposter syndrome and I alluded to this and the other one. But I think when my heart would say what it would want. I would often right away be like, we can't do that. No one's going to listen to that podcast. We can't have that type of abundance or that kind of support in our business or those types of friendships. Right away I would cancel myself and this is that whole stopping myself. And another belief I offered was this sense of, you know, everyone who's ever done anything started as a beginner, everybody. So every influencer, podcaster, author, speaker, you know, it depends on your realm, baker or chef, winemaker, whatever it is that your heart longs for is drawn to in the way God's made you. Everyone started the same. We started as a baby and we didn't know anything. And nobody has given us completely the script for life. And yet it is available to us. Everything that we need for our dreams is available to us. And so why not me is the way of saying, I'm allowing myself to not put a ceiling or an upper limit to what is possible before I even begin. Mmm. Mmm. before I even start to learn and to walk the path that will actually provide everything that I need. If God's good, if he's my provider, if he is the way then I'm gonna have what I need. I'm not saying I know the outcomes, but if I stop myself before beginning and honestly, and this is kind of a vulnerable share before the podcast, I had a ton of imposter syndrome. I was like, I know I want to do this, but I was like, who's going to listen to this when they can listen to Mel Robbins? And then I was like, Mel Robbins was not born a podcaster. She started it. You know what mean? She began and she was a beginner just like you. And I'm like, why not? Why not me? Why couldn't I start a podcast? And so that's my vulnerable share on how often I actually tell myself, you know what, Dez, why not you? Whatever you're thinking is too much, too expansive, too abundant, too big, too lofty, too good, why not you? How about you? What do you think about this mantra, I agree that for me it's one of the more recent ones and very much align with a lot of what you said because imposter syndrome is something that I feel has crept up so many times. And I've also heard really successful people say before that it doesn't go away. They've just learned how to keep moving forward in the face of it. You said Mel Robbins didn't start with a huge successful podcast and what I was thinking is everybody starts with zero followers. The most well-known influencers today started with zero followers. I think for me, it's been a way of combating unworthiness. I've sometimes been quick to disqualify myself before and... the battle with perfectionism or I need this many more things or this many more steps or this many more classes before I'll be qualified. Why not me has been a way of throwing my hat into the ring and going, why not? The question I used to ask myself was why me? And so this feels like the opposite of saying, well, why not me because we can come up with reasons to disqualify. Any person on the face of the earth who has done something with their life could sit down and come up with reasons why it shouldn't have been them. Their childhood wasn't great. They had a disability they had to overcome. I remember hearing Tom Brady talk about how when he was in college, what was he like the sixth string quarterback or something like he was way down the list and he was upset about it. And he basically had to go, I'm going to show up and do my best every day. Even if I only get 30 seconds of playing time or then it would maybe be a minute and like bit by bit and I've heard you know anybody can Google and listen to him share how he worked up the ranks, but he could have just disqualified himself and said, well, I'm not the starting quarterback. So who am I going to be? And if he had let that belief drive him, he wouldn't have been the the level and caliber of athlete that we know him to be now. Any of us can disqualify ourselves. And so for me, it was like a reframe and it was like flipping the script of rather than going, why me? Why would anybody listen to me? I started going, well, why not me? Because if I can look for reasons to disqualify myself, I can start looking for reasons to qualify myself. It's been a really powerful reframe for me to just start stepping out on things that... in the past, I might've been prone to just going, no, no, and then talking myself out of it. And right now, we've said this already, these mantras are designed to empower you to action, to empower you to forward motion, to empower you to healing, to empower you to growth and to fruitfulness really. I think the biggest thing it's combated is that feeling of unworthiness of like, well, I know, why would somebody listen to what I have to say, which is... It's just a lie. It's just a lie. And this is something, as you were sharing, this has been a big part of how I've applied it. This question, why not me, it helps expand the upper limit of your belief for yourself. And that's what we're kind of switching. Instead of asking, am I worthy? You're saying, well, why not? And so you're sort of pushing where I think I might be worthy higher and higher every time you ask this question or you challenge it like, well, why not? What's so powerful in the neuroscience is you actually cannot attain something you don't have the belief that it's possible. And so in a lot of our work with clients, we're helping bridge the gap into new neural pathways of beliefs. I'm offering a new belief of why not me? Why couldn't I become a famous podcaster? Why can't I write a book? By expanding this thought process, you're naturally helping your system and your brain open up to the belief that it is an You cannot have this unless it's become an option for you. And so it's this upper limit that I love, just kind of trying to make that upper limit, my ceiling just bump up a little bit every time I ask this question, which in turn, expands my ability to go to that place eventually. Mm-hmm, yeah. It expands the possibility thinking, it expands our ability to consider new possibilities. And you're exactly right. If I don't think it can happen to me, there's so much that we limit ourselves from by simply not considering what could be possible. And like you said, it's incremental. It's not that I blow the lid off completely with one shift, often it is incremental shifts, but the why not me. It's been a fantastic question for me to ask myself and to just keep combating some of that negative inner dialogue that we can all struggle with. Same, same here girl, I'm doing it right alongside you. As a listener, if you wanna start asking that question or if you wanna connect to any of these mantras em feel free to try them on. One key that I would just offer as we're wrapping up this uh episode here is when you connect to your body, and so this is kind of the somatic experience, why this has actually made a difference in our lives is that we feel the belief inside of us. We notice what that feels like. We notice the emotions that follow, the hope, the power, the strength, the comfort because I'm not going to abandon myself. We connect that emotional experience in our body and it becomes a baseline experience for our nervous systems now. And now our brains are like, oh, okay, I can have a challenge and I can be like, I can't call it yet. I can pause. I would just encourage you, maybe as you're listening or maybe you want to re-listen and you want to feel them out. I encourage you to notice what you feel in your body and the emotions that follow, and the actions that you might want to take. Anything else that you want to add as we close? Hmm, just to pay attention to the invitations. That's essentially what I heard you saying. Pay attention to where you're feeling invited to lean in a little bit more. Maybe one mantra jumped out at you, maybe four did. But whatever you're feeling that invitation on is where I believe there is grace for you to explore. So thanks friends. Next week, we're gonna dive into some of my favorites. I mean, these are my favorites, but there's even more favorites. We're going to talk about abundance mantras to connect you to feelings and the reality of abundance that's around you. It's going to be a great episode. So tune in. Can't wait to see you next week. Thanks for being here. Bye guys, see you next week.