#24 – Abundance Isn't Greed: Why Wanting More Doesn't Make You Selfish

Join us as we explore the concept of abundance, discussing our personal journeys from scarcity to a mindset of abundance. We’re delving into the limiting beliefs that often accompany financial struggles, the impact of faith on our financial beliefs, and the importance of self-worth in expanding one's capacity for wealth in all areas of life. We also discuss the role of the nervous system in feeling safe around finances and offer practical tools for cultivating gratitude and recognizing abundance in everyday life. 

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Transcript

Introduction to Abundance

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Road Back Podcast. We're so glad you're here. I'm Melissa and I'm Desiree. We're two trauma-informed coaches and real life friends. If you're returning to yourself, your dreams, or your sense of belovedness, this podcast is for you. We'll pull from our own stories and hard-earned wisdom to support your journey. So take a breath and remember, you belong exactly as you are.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hi, everybody. Welcome to today's episode. We are going to talk about a really fun topic today that Des and I both love. It's the topic of abundance, how it can link to not just our finances, but also other areas of life. And then we're going to unpack some of the things we've had to undo in order to grow into healthier expressions of abundance in our own lives. And we're hoping that in the process of sharing some of our journey, some of the tools and the wisdom that we picked up along the way, that you'll be able to pick up some tools for yourself in the areas where you're wanting to grow into a greater expression of abundance in your own life. And some of that might be financial, or it could be other areas like your health or your relationships as well. So we're wanting to share some of the ways we undid wonky belief and limiting belief systems, invite you into the journey we've been on and the places we are today, because I know it's a topic I'm passionate about. And I can say with fair amounts of confidence that Des really appreciates the conversation as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Absolutely. Absolutely. I definitely have my fair share of wonky belief systems around money and abundance. So buckle in people. This is going to be super fun just to see how we've undid them. I think we both believe this, that we're still actively engaging in our abundance beliefs right now and how to steward that and noticing limiting beliefs that we have, those ceilings in our stories. And I think this is an ongoing lifelong journey. We're speaking from today, from this point, and we can look back and notice where we've been and also understand that we will be continuing to move forward.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

So yeah, there's always a new level to grow. Yeah. And it's a topic for me that I never get tired of talking about. I always see so much potential for growth, even when I look back and see how far I've come. One of the things that I know is a fundamental belief for me at a core level, abundance is the belief that there's enough good to go around. Yeah. I didn't always believe that. But where I stand today, I believe that God is inherently good. And in his provision, and even the way he's given us ability to co-create our lives with him, that there is always an opportunity to create more, to be more, to have more, to do more. There's always more than enough good to go around. And me succeeding, me thriving, me prospering in no way takes away from you being able to have your abundance, your your prosperity, your provision on ever increasing scales as well. And I think that has been one of the biggest shifts for me. I used to view life through a much more of a zero-sum game of like, if I don't beat you, then that might mean you get a bigger piece of the pie than I do. Totally. And that brings up its own processes, and a lot of people live through that lens. I just feel personally that I find it more liberating and much more peaceful to live life through the lens of there is more than enough to go around.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

This conversation in general and the process for you, and even your discovery in your in your personal beliefs around abundance that there's more than enough where that came from, and there's there's enough good to go around provides peace. Like one of the fruits is a lot more peace. Because I can tell you as someone who lived with a lot of scarcity that I had a huge lack of peace. Even if you think of how abundance affects our spiritual lives, our emotional lives, our physical lives, our financial lives. Like abundance impacts so many things. And so to believe on a fundamental level that there's not enough, the experience for our souls, for our emotions, for our bodies isn't peace. It is just brokenness, despair, hopelessness. I had all this victim mentality, a lot of powerlessness in my life. And so understanding the fruits of those new beliefs in our systems as being really supportive and

Beliefs and Myths Around Money

SPEAKER_01 4:22

peaceful.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

I love that you highlighted the peace thing because when you had those scarcity beliefs, to want more was often associated with greed or sinful desire. Yes, that was. It was more holy for me to live on the smallest amount of anything possible. What side actually? I mean, I I probably leading us into that conversation. What was some of the not so positive fruit that we saw? And what were some of the things you picked up, Des some myths or faulty belief systems that really kept you trapped in a cycle of scarcity or lack? Well, here we go. Well, buckle your seatbelt, people.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Here we go. Story number one. I I grew up in a family that lived much below the poverty line. So we had food stamps, we were on Medical, WIC Well Fair. So I found myself especially tuned in. I'll call it a spiritual front or more religious setting because I was a full-time missionary at 18 years old. So for one, I had to ask for money from people to live. It was a whole thing. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. I also did for another episode on that. Well, we'll do that later. If you think about like I had to ask for money, there was a set amount of money. And I thought, if I can live on the least amount of money, if I could spend the least, if I could need the least amount of things, that would propel me into a a greater standing with God. I know this sounds so odd, but I I honestly felt that he would be really pleased. And it would somehow honor the work I was doing to more marginalized communities if I was only spending the the the least amount possible. And I really started getting into they're living on $200. I should be able to live on $200 a month. And I began to just overall evaluate my own sense of value based on how much I was spending. Not even how much I was spending, how much I wasn't spending.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Do you relate to this? Yeah, yeah. Makes so much sense. It's not all church culture, but it definitely doesn't feel unfamiliar to me. I think it feeds into maybe a sister belief that is, if I have more or want more, then it means somebody else has to have less. Right. So if I can have less and be content with less, then that in some way allows somebody else to have more. I just felt like I was being a good girl. Like if I could not want too much. And and this is this is a nuanced conversation. I'm gonna say this now. This is my one disclaimer for this. There is value in being content with what you have. I mean, even Paul, the Apostle Paul, even talks about that. I've learned how to be a base, I've learned how to abound. I have learned how to embrace the season I'm in and live within whatever that season is. And I've learned how to do it and I've learned how to do it well. That's not what we're talking about here. We're not talking about where we were able to be grateful for what we had or to steward what we had the best we knew how in that season. I remember when I was in going to ministry school and I was living off donations and it was like, how can I absolutely live on the most shoestring budget possible? Right. I don't know if this resonates with you, but I didn't want to ask for more money than the absolute minimum because I felt guilty if I had to ask for more than like the bare minimum of groceries or living expenses, because that for me touched into even a worthiness issue of I don't feel worthy to ask for anything that would feel even remotely beyond the bare minimums, because

Self-Worth and Abundance

SPEAKER_00 7:58

was I taking advantage of somebody? Like if I could get by on less than I should. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

And I'm so glad you spoke to this because I think abundance has a lot to do with worth. We can only expand into the level of abundance that we believe we're worthy of. Yes. And so when you said that there's a worth evaluation, this is why it gets so tangly up, because it's not just like that that you were taught that. Why did we think we were good girls if we didn't need or we didn't have to ask for anything or we weren't hungry or we weren't tired or something? It goes into this overall worth. Do I believe I'm worth asking for help or needing support?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

When you live with that comparison mindset, you are comparing yourself to the other people around you and going my needs should be based on what their needs are, or my capacity should be the same as theirs. If they can get by on this, then I should. Yes. And I think a lot of our money beliefs in general are very fueled and impacted by the environments we're in and the cultures we're raised in. Absolutely all of those things. That was my view of anything that was ministry and mission related. And it didn't help that people had misused donations and funds and there had been scandals. Exactly. Where you go, oh, well, look at that person on a pedestal, minister, or whoever they were, who abused the finances that people gave them. Oh my goodness, I don't want to be associated with that. Right. Pendulum swing to the other extreme. I'm gonna live on nothing so that nobody could ever accuse me of doing something untoward or unethical with something that was donated to me.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Totally. And this reminds me of the zero sum concept, which I actually can see in all of our examples. If you fundamentally believe that if I get something, then they don't get to have it. Then that's why we tend to do this. It's in that core belief that there's not enough to go around, anyways. Yeah. This is extremely nuanced and so multifaceted. Of course, we have our own story and nervous system beliefs and just our own process in the whole thing. But I I love that just seeing all the nuances is like kind of comes down to those core beliefs.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yeah, were there any other core beliefs you wanted to speak to that you had found that were disempowering for you around your beliefs around provision abundance?

SPEAKER_01 10:16

A lot of times it was like a lack of self-trust that if I expand it too much or if I have too much, I'll lose myself, I'll lose God. I can't be trusted with this. And I think that there's a lot of teaching that money is evil and all the things in it. This is not just about money, obviously. This is about healing a lot of my beliefs about God, about who I am, about worthiness. Like abundance is so much more than just money. But I think that that definitely kept a cap on me. We talked about this now. Um one of our biggest pillars is self-trust. But that was something that we fought really hard for because I definitely didn't have it. How about you?

SPEAKER_00 10:56

I think when we don't trust ourselves, we miss the cues that prevent us from burnout, that prevent us from overcommitments, prevent us from violating our own internal capacity. When I didn't have a strong sense of self-worth and when I was trying to live on these absolute shoestring budgets, it was also causing me to not really consider what I did need. Did I need some vitamins? Did I actually need to take some space for myself?

Stories of Transformation

SPEAKER_00 11:23

When I had these weird beliefs around money, it was showing up in other areas of my life too, because it was when I was running over myself, not taking care of my physical health. But it wasn't because I had to do it. It was because what I was choosing to do. When you were a child and you were in extreme poverty, you had to do what you had to do because that was what you needed to do to get by. You were in survival. But what I noticed is there were times when I didn't have to be in survival, but I was living like I was in survival anyway.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yes. This is so relatable. This is what the process of expanding your ability and your capacity, expanding beliefs around abundance is like because it's noticing the parts inside of you that are incongruent. So my world is showing me there is enough abundance, maybe to certain levels, but my system isn't allowing for me to have that. And so I I totally agree with you. 100% agree. I mean, even when I was on Medi-Cal, I could technically go to the doctor, but I didn't want to. I didn't even have copay, but I was living like I didn't have health insurance. Yeah. And I wasn't allowing myself to get the care. I was the person that wasn't feeling safe enough to actually go. And of course, there's so many reasons. That's what I sort of imagine you saying. That's like you could have said, you know what? I need an hour. I need someone to watch my kids. Same for me. I could have done a lot of things, but I didn't believe I could.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

There's the times when you truly are in survival mode because you don't have, if you are at the poverty line or you're in intense seasons of financial hardship, that is one thing. And what I think we're both touching on now is we actually had it better than we thought we did, but we were living below what we had to because of our weird beliefs that we had picked up along the way. And somehow thinking that it was better to deprive. I mean, I lived with a lot of self-deprivation because I had learned that that was holy. And I had learned that that was better, somehow more pleasing to God because I was low maintenance. And being low maintenance was highly valued. So true.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Because I was miserable. I was. I tried to be low maintenance, I was miserable and I was probably very unhappy and really not good to be with. I love what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

So relatable and so true. I think as we move into talking about abundance through a lens of capacity, there were times we lived below our capacity and didn't know how to ask for more. But as we grew our capacity, we also expanded our ability to hold more finances, among other things. And it's not just financial, it's emotional, it's relational, it's your physical health, it's your your time, it's your ability to rest. Abundance increases what I can hold, I can give, and I can sustain. The more I'm able to increase that, my internal container grows, which then expands on an external level as well. Because my outer world is a reflection of my inner world.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Absolutely. Yeah. When we're talking about an abundance through a capacity level, this isn't about saying everyone needs to be at a certain level, like driving a certain car or going after a certain thing. This is not that. This is about noticing being present with where are the places that there are limits internally to what you believe are possible. That is actually the container for how much abundance you're holding in your life. Whatever those barriers, those boundaries are, that's the container we want us to look at. And we're all going to have a different size container. But being able to hold it and to notice that and then sustaining it, or just even being generous in it or like flowing in it, I would like to say it's like, what does that feel like to grow that container and that capacity?

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yes. You have a certain container for where you're at. And what you may even notice is I can have different containers for different things. I might have a huge container for my capacity for meaningful relationships, or maybe I've really developed my container internally for my physical health. Maybe I have great physical health routines or good diet or good exercise routines. All of those are forms of abundance too, because me thriving in any area of life means my internal container and capacity for that is at a at a size that sustains me and potentially even brings overflow.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Wanted to highlight just how I actually had to support the container and the internal ability to have abundance. So, like you said, I had lived in seasons of surviving, extreme survival. And then when I exited those seasons and got into a new season, I didn't know how to not live that way. We used to hide money and not tell my husband I had like a few dollars cash because we would fight over one dollar Netflix. That's just when you used to have a Netflix DVD, remember that? And we would literally fight over one dollar because we didn't have a dollar. Like that is the truth. I was like, oh, am I gonna keep hiding things? And even

Navigating Financial Abundance

SPEAKER_01 16:23

mentalities of I never could eat out. Like my kids knew it. We had a hard rule. We could not eat out. We had food stamps, so we could go to the grocery store and buy food, but we couldn't go to McDonald's, we couldn't do those things. When I went to go and heal the container to hold abundance, I remember having to really like you guys. I was this isn't that many years ago either. And I was like, we're all gonna go to Chipotle. Like it was like a huge deal. And they're like, What? And they're like, we'll share. And I was like, no, you could get your own burrito. It was like a huge deal. And I had to actually help my system be like, we're not in trauma, we're not in survival, we're not breaking the bank. It's okay. We can spend this 30 or 40. Now it's typical is so expensive, but it's whatever it was. I was like, this is way overrated. But I did that. I had to do that work where I was like, it's okay to be right here. It's safe, money will keep coming. We're not at the end anymore. And I would coach my nervous system through ordering out that helped me go to the next level. Whereas we had always just camped because $25 campsites, people, I could go on vacation with my family. And we did this for years where all we could afford was camping. I still love camping. I miss camping. After practicing going to McDonald's a few times or wherever we were eating out, I was like, maybe we can go to the beach and say in a hotel a night. I know this sounds silly, but it was huge for me. And I was like, are we sure I would have to check in with myself? I'd check in with my husband. But we had to support that this was a new normal, that we give hold that we're gonna still have enough when we come home Sunday and we'll still go to work and things are gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

So Yeah, I think you're touching on something really powerful when you talk about the nervous system. I don't think people talk about it enough. The pop-up of abundance isn't uncommon. People have all sorts of mindset manifesting hacks, you know, this, that, you can go the faith-based route, you can, you can go the quantum physics route, you can go all sorts of ways. But I don't hear the nervous system aspect of growing in our capacity for abundance nearly as much as I think it needs to be talked about. And so, Des, let's talk about that a little bit. And you were talking about creating safety for you to feel safe in order to take to go to McDonald's or to Chipotle after having years and years and years where it wasn't the option. So, what do you want to talk about a little bit with maybe with your process around nervous system development and expanding your capacity for abundance and having finances feel safer to you after having many years of scarcity and survival mode?

SPEAKER_01 19:08

So the polyvagal theory talks about how the vagus nerve is a support to the brain. Its main function is to automate for your brain an ability to notice are we safe? Is there threat? Is there financial threat? Is there physical threat? Is there relational threat? Well, you don't notice it because it's automated. But your nervous system is sending messages to your brain. The majority of your brain is actually getting input, not output, which blows my mind because I don't even think about breathing, I don't even think about raising my hands anymore. But all this stuff is automatic. So this is a legit experience. It's a biological experience. So much of transformation, growth, which is what we're talking about with abundance, right? We're growing our containers, we're growing our capacity, is a nervous system job. When I go into McDonald's, I can tell you, I can hear the story. My nervous system is telling me this is not okay. Because what if we lose our job? What if something happens and we're just gonna drop $27 right now? I might need that $27. Yeah. That is automated. Yeah. That's fear that comes in and the like, whoa, wah, like this might happen, is automated. The opposite we have to be intentional with, which is how do I support my system to know, hey, we made it through the worst. You make a ton of sense. It has been so hard. We've waited to go to McDonald's for so long. Here's the deal even if something bad happens, we're gonna be able to make the $27 up. You're gonna be okay. There's more where this came from. Yeah. There, there is, we're constantly in this developmental stage. And so that's what I mean by coaching

Tools for Rewiring Your Nervous System

SPEAKER_01 20:55

myself or supporting myself. I do think about supporting my nervous system. What do I need to believe that this is safe enough? Even just a little bit more in my body, not even fully convinced. And I'm still doing this all the time, but in different things. Now it's not McDonald's. Yeah. Now it's, you know, college and a car and business ventures. I'm still coaching myself. I'm still supporting myself with thinking there are ways that this can happen. There's a way that this could work out.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

This is okay. This is something, even when working with people who are healing their relationship with money. I see a lot of people say, okay, yeah, you're totally calling me out right now. I my nervous system is completely jacked up when it comes to money. Yeah. I'm scared. I know that I had the bank account that says I've got money, but I'm afraid to spend because I remember what it was like when I was a kid and we didn't have enough. Those old stories will continue to drive those beliefs. Our nervous system is wired to keep us safe. So it will keep going the way that we've programmed it to go unless we change the narrative. We change the programming. So, what are some tools that you've learned when it's come to rewiring your nervous system that has been helpful for you?

SPEAKER_01 22:08

For one, I would just encourage anybody who would like to get in with an emotional health nervous system regulation coach, especially after prolonged seasons of survival. It took years, but I really dedicated to healing my nervous system. I'm still on this journey.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Can I just interject that right there, too, on this before I forget? This is not an overnight process. If you recognize that you have really struggled, whether it be financial or even in your health, any area where you're wanting to increase your capacity, this is not an overnight fix. You don't just recognize, oh, my nervous system has been jacked up because I was in survival mode for eight years. Oh, one month of me working on it, I should be good to go. That's not how this process works. But know this if you give yourself to the process and you're willing to do the consistency, you actually can heal at a faster rate than it took you to decline because that's just the way it goes. It takes me time to get breakthroughs, but the consistency will compound quickly if I'm willing to do the work. Don't be disheartened if you're like, man, I've been working on my money beliefs for six months, or I've been working on my, you know, mental health for six months and I haven't seen all the breakthroughs. It's it's not that fast, but try to bear in mind you're laying foundations to build on for a lifetime. This isn't just a flash in the pan, like quick fix, because what you're what you're wanting to do is build something into place. And the keys that Des is going to share are things that you can actually take into any situation moving forward at each new level that you go to. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Okay. So first things first, one thing that I would advise or just like one recommendation, and something that I do often is how can you in your life notice abundance in anything? So if I'm wanting to grow my capacity to feel abundance, like I can literally just like breathe in, go, I can take as much air as I want. It's never ending. And this is the truth. I'm like, my brain's like, yeah, I've never once been outside and ran out of air or been in my house and ran out of air. I'm like, you're proving to your brain certain truths about abundance. So I want you to go on a little treasure hunt. And I, the more you collect per day, the more your brain will start to look for evidence of abundance, of safety. I'm gonna actually embody that experience in my system so that I can notice look, money comes, food comes, I can make meal after meal. I would even notice, I've actually fed my kids every day since they've been born for 20 years. And I have had moments where I was like, oh God, what is it? And I've been stressed for money. But there was always a piece of bread, a quesadilla. And so I'm wanting to show my brain intentionally build evidence because the nervous system will show me very easily how things could go wrong. We don't, we don't have to work hard on that. Let's be honest. Like, I could tell you 10 ways is things might go shady. Yeah just right now, sitting down. We could all fall over these 10 ways. Yeah. Yeah. I would encourage people, this is in different circles. It could be like cues of safety, glimmers, finding something that's resourceful, that's true, that's gonna bring the felt feeling in your system of like, yeah, you know what? We have made it up to this point. There are so many things that are abundant to you as you are right now. And if nothing changed, that would still be true.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

So that's my number one recommendation. I love that. Would add to that and saying that um gratitude is something else that you can tag on to that as well. Even three things. That's what I tell people. And it's something that for me was a life-changing exercise when I really started digging into being thankful for things. You can do it from a very logical place and not connect to the meaning of it. But if you can pause and take a few moments to be mindful and actually connect to the emotion of being thankful for something, I've had seasons when I was really getting into it. I just thought about what I was most thankful for. And some days it was the same thing. I was in a season of being really thankful for certain people or certain things in my life. I had a season where my cat was on my thankful list almost every day because the story around how I got her was so powerful and so meaningful to me that pausing and connecting to that feeling of thankfulness in my heart, gratitude is a heightened state of emotion. When we're in seasons of scarcity or we're in fear around money or provision, those emotions are lower states, the fear, the anxiety, anger. They're a lower frequency and they're not as they're a lower state of consciousness. Love, joy, peace, enthusiasm, creativity, gratitude, all those things, those are heightened states of emotions and consciousness. So when I take the time to be thankful, and even like you were saying, looking for the abundance around you, that's tuning you in to a higher place of possibility. And gratitude for me is the fastest shortcut to joy that I know of, which is why I tell people, I don't care if it's you're thankful for your kids every day, or if it's, you know, something that's meaningful to you. I don't care if it's your favorite blanket that you love. But the point is, is connecting to those emotions of thankfulness or the awareness of what's going right for you automatically begins to shift your perspective. And when you start shifting your perspective, it affects your nervous system because of the neuroplasticity and the ability to rewire our brain. And that's why when you're in extended seasons of stress or survival, your nervous system is constantly in that sympathetic state of fight or flight. And that's not healthy for us over long term.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

No. I just love that you talked about gratitude because to me, gratitude expands that container. It's like I have to, I have to feel this in my system, in my body. Ooh, I am grateful. I actually asked myself this question when I was listening to you. Can you feel gratitude without having some sense of I'm receiving something? I have the gift to be privy to the love of a cat, right? Or the sun on my face. Yes. And I think that hits our worthiness. I was like, ooh, to me, to be worthy to sit in the sunshine on that perfectly warm day, there's something about receiving that that automatically wires into the human brain, which is what we talked about from the beginning. Abundance and worth, they go hand in hand. They're connected. And so when we're talking about gratitude, we're talking about some level inside of us that like I'm grateful that I get to receive this. And it's communicating value to me as a person.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

That's good. Yeah. And I love that it gratitude and looking for what we have draws my attention to what I do have and takes my attention off of what I don't. Yes. Even if it's for five minutes.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

And this isn't to bypass pain, but oftentimes, if you think about when I was trying to just go to McDonald's or Chipotle, I was afraid. It's a fear. And fear is not something that I want to be sowing constantly in my life because I will reap something. Yeah. I'm not trying to override the fear. But guess what? We've fed our kids every day somehow. So you're just offering this other view, this ability to see more than one thing. Yes. So, like, oh there's fear over there, but like, okay, but also I'm okay. And that's what's lacking. I'll say when I was in a lot of scarcity, I didn't have the ability to notice what I did have. Yes. So the scarcity compounded, the brain will always try to prove what we believe. The confirmation bias. Absolutely. So by expanding it and saying, but look, there's things over here, your brain will start to expand as well. And it will want to prove that bias, that there's enough, there's a lot of gratitude, peace, that there's joy, that there's more where that came from.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

I've discovered it's it's not about the black and white thinking because when we're in a lot of scarcity, it can be like you said, you get very focused on what's not going right or the fears, touching on some of the beliefs we had about God, or, you know, I'm afraid I'm gonna get it wrong. Again, it's obsessing over the things like where am I messing up? What am I gonna make the mistake? Where is this not okay? For me, when I first started doing my gratitude exercises, it was just for a few minutes a day. I wasn't walking around every waking moment, like, oh, look at the beautiful sky. It was, I was expanding bit by bit by bit in my capacity to notice what was good and to be grateful for what was good. But what I noticed again, those five minutes of genuinely connecting to gratitude would affect my mental state for up to hours later. Yes. Because of choosing to focus on that. So if you're listening to this and you're going, man, I've got some weird beliefs around abundance and I know I need to rewire myself. Take heart. You don't need to be able to be a pro at like, oh, I have four hours a day to focus on all the amazing things. It can start with as little as a minute here, a minute there. You can set a reminder in your phone. I've done that before, to help me check in and go, okay, what's going well right now? And it can be simple steps like that, two, three times a day for a couple minutes at a time, begin to change the narrative and shift the internal dialogue in the container, increase your

Incremental Growth and Expanding Capacity

SPEAKER_00 31:31

container so that you're adding, it doesn't mean you're suddenly going to erase all the fear or the weird beliefs. I still have weird beliefs come up all the time that I'm going, okay, well, yeah, I guess I got another layer of that that I need to deal with. But it's continuing to recognize it's not about completely eradicating every single fear I've ever had in my life and only ever thinking the positive thoughts. It's going, oh, I can actually grow both. Two things can be true at once. I can feel afraid some days, and I can also be increasing in my capacity of recognizing what's going well and my capacity to hold more and more of what's available.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

You're saying this growth is incremental on purpose. Yeah. When we're thinking about the ability to steward or to hold more abundance, it's an incremental journey. It's baby step by baby step. And I know everyone who works with me, and some of them make fun of me about it because I'm just like, what's the one percent more? That's so good. Yeah. What's that one to two percent more in your system? That's the things that are compounding.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Talk about that a little bit, Des, because I don't think all everybody knows what that one to two percent means. Can you just expand on that a little bit in case somebody's sitting there going, How do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 32:40

So even in the recommendation that I had, error is so abundant. Some of you are like, that's stupid. But but if I actually believe it just a touch in my system, I can notice that 1%. I was like, it's kind of true. I can just breathe and breathe and breathe, and no one taxes me. I can just take in as much as I want. If I really, really embody it, if I notice with my five senses these things, I can probably get like a 1%. Like, okay, that's real. Your brain will kind of believe or make that shift into being like, okay, that's kind of true. And that's the 1% of growth. That's the way you grow your capacity. Yes. That's the way you transform any belief. Yes. Any belief under the sun.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Yeah. It doesn't have to be a night and day switch. I didn't believe, now I believe 100%. It puts way too much pressure on us and it's not realistic.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

No, and neuroplasticity shows our brain can rewire, but with time. And in this manner by noticing that one to two percent. Yeah.

Recognizing Invitations for Growth

SPEAKER_00 33:46

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

So we've talked about the nervous system and how that really supports abundance in our systems and how we can grow that ability and the capacity. I would like to talk about how we know for ourselves when we're invited to the next level of growth. Because if no matter who you are, you look around you, whatever their level of current capacity is, they weren't born that way, right? So, how do you know when you feel that invitation to the next level and how you've been with yourself along this journey of growth?

SPEAKER_00 34:21

It's such a good question because I think it's something that's really helpful when you are on a journey, healthy things grow. Noticing how plants grow and how nature is created has helped me undo some of the weird beliefs where I used to think that shrinking was somehow more holy and living on less than was more holy. You can plant an apple seed into the ground and that tree will produce thousands, potentially thousands and thousands of apple seeds in its life. That is abundant. You know, if anybody struggled with that belief of shrinking and the less I have is more holy, that's that's not even reflected in the natural world. I recognize if nature is abundant and growth is natural and growth is a natural expression of health, then that has given me a lot more internal permission to go, oh, it is natural for me to grow and it's natural for me to reach a threshold of something new and then want to go to the next level. So practical example, but something that makes a lot of sense for me. Something I've noticed when I've been ready to go to a new level is the car I drive. Yes, girl. But let's see, 2011, my husband and I moved with our two little boys back to the United States after living in New Zealand for years. And we moved back to the States with very little. It was a leap of faith. We wanted to be involved in a particular faith community, and so we moved back with two or three months' worth of living expenses and just not knowing how we were gonna get past that. We came over with our suitcases and basically trusted God. And we were very blessed that somebody gave us a car. It was a secondhand car, no bells and whistles, nothing fancy, but it was such a blessing to us because we had no means of actually buying our own car. We were just trying to figure out how we were gonna live and get our grocery bills. And so the fact that somebody blessed us with this car was just we were so grateful. It was such a blessing to us. And that car lasted us for six years until we ended up moving to where we are now. And when we moved to Texas, my husband and I just together we had prayed about it. We really felt like, no, we're gonna leave this car behind. We ended up passing it on to somebody else. I think we sold it to them for a few hundred dollars for one of their kids. It was like an internal knowing. You're saying, how do you know? There's a level of internal knowing. And I also felt like that car had run its season with us. And I could also feel that in my heart, I was longing for something newer. You kind of need to feel into it for yourself. It's where self-awareness comes. I knew that that car had done its time with us and I was ready for something newer and something that was a little bit of an upgrade. And that was just an internal knowing. I wasn't ungrateful for what I had. I just knew that I was wanting something more. And when we got here, we bought our first SUV. And it was an upgrade. It was still secondhand. There was nothing fancy about it, but it was great. It was a big upgrade from what we'd had. I remember every time I drove that car for months, I was so grateful. I felt ready when I got into it. I felt excited. I felt like it was the right car for us at the time. It had felt a little bit stretching. So this is something that I think when you're ready to go up the next level, there's often a little bit of a stretch, feels a little bit expansive. It doesn't feel too small, it feels right sized. And that car for years, we've had it for about, I think, six years or so. And it was great. It served our needs. And then a couple of years ago, it started having some issues, and we're like, nope, it's time to upgrade again. And so we ended up getting a different car. The car I have now was a couple of years ago, and it was an upgrade again. If you were to, you know, put me in the car we had five, six years ago,

The Connection Between Inner and Outer Worlds

SPEAKER_00 37:42

I wouldn't be resentful of it. But I feel internally like I am at another level. And does that make sense to you, Des? Would you put it in any other words? Because to me, a lot of it is an internal knowing. When I drive my current car, it feels like the car that I should be in. That's a very physical outworking of something that is an internal process for me.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

I think this is a great example because this is transferable in a lot of different realms. So I think of my daughter who's 18, and she made a statement of like, I can't be working this type of job for much longer because she already knows that that type of job doesn't fit her. And I think people can feel this. It's like that doesn't feel right anymore. Maybe, maybe it's like, I don't want to work in the nursery anymore at the church, or I don't want to volunteer there. I want to go to this next level. Or oh, I I don't want to be an attendee of a Bible study. I want to start my own. You have a natural knowing, but it transcends, it's not just about cars, obviously. No, none at all. I loved your example because you're saying it's almost congruent to where your growth journey has been. Yes. Yes. The car fit your growth journey. And I think that that's true. Where we grow and expand and allow ourselves to believe we can be, that's the stretching for ourselves. And I can think this in my own business so much. I have expanded and just kept growing. And that's the space I'm trying to take up. And it matches. It feels right now.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

I couldn't go back and be like, oh no, I just want one client a week, or so I can't go back that way.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

It's not about the car. That's it. The car was an example for me. I know people who don't care what they drive. They're like, I could care less. That's not where their priorities are. So you don't have to have my priority. I just know that in my journey, my car has been a very tangible item that has been a reflection to me of my inner journey. And for other people, it could be something completely different.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

They might want to look in the mirror and see their physical body look a certain way to reflect the inner work that they've done. They might go, I want to show that I value my body a certain way because I've done the inner work to heal my sense of worthiness. And so my health and the abundance that I'm really expressing through my life is really predominantly coming through the way my physical health is appearing right now. I've seen that in areas of my life too. It's about where are those things that you're feeling like I want to live in alignment so that what I'm doing and where I'm spending my time, what I'm putting my resources into is reflective of what my inner world is saying. It's like 3 John 2 in New Testament. Beloved, I pray you be in health and prosper even as your soul prospers. So my soul prospering is going to affect my external world. That to me is that's a spiritual truth. My outer world reflects my inner world. So my outer car is a reflection to the growth that I have done internally that goes, I am ready for another level of abundance. It doesn't have to be the same for you. But it is very true for me. And it's something that I'm very conscious of because when I get into my car, I will often just sit there for a moment and I think, thank you, because I've cultivated gratitude. Every time I'm thankful for what I have, it expands that sense of everything is working out for me and there's always enough for me. There's always enough good for me to go around.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

As we kind of circle back to abundance as a capacity that can be grown and can grow and can be transformed. When I notice an incongruency, you may be listening to Malum being like, I feel stuck. I feel like I want something more. I want to experience something different. I can feel my system inviting me to an upgrade, but I don't feel like it's possible for me. If that's you, I find these places in me all the time, like all the live long day. They're just, they're everywhere. It's an indicator. It's there to show you what has held you there. This is why my container is only the size that it is, is because it's being held by a certain belief in that size and shape. And information is great because now I can be like, where do I need to notice that it's safe to grow? Because sometimes we leave people behind. We leave versions of ourselves behind, and that's why we don't want to grow out of abundance. We're afraid we're gonna leave our loved ones or husbands or besties. I want to say that has happened. It's it's possible. But there's always something to learn if you're finding yourself, noticing you're not where you want to be. Let that inform you. Let yourself say, okay, now I know exactly what how I need to be supported in this abundant journey, in my growth journey, in my transforming this belief, expanding what I think is possible. Maybe I want to be married and you feel stuck. You feel like it's impossible to be married, but you're like, how do I get to that next level? The more and more we can cultivate and grow that 1% at a time of our container of noticing, is it even an option? Like noticing instead of the belief of it's impossible. I used to say things were so impossible for me. I'll just tell you the story. When I moved back from Romania, my husband and I, he immigrated here and we were kids, I had four suitcases. That's all we owned. And I was 24 and I was pregnant. You guys, I have stories. But the whole point is I used to repeat over and over again I'll never own a house. I'll never own a house. And I just think that there's a subconscious belief that goes with our nervous system state. So even if it's like, I'll never get married, I'll never find anybody, no one will ever love me, no one will ever be attracted to me, whatever that story is, notice it because that's what you want to transform. That's what you want to expand to a little bit like maybe it is possible. And this belief now is so incredibly different. So that was 20 years ago. In 20 years, I mean, completely in a different world. And here's the thing I can cry and feel gratitude and deep understanding that for one, this is a gift of God, and gratitude towards myself of thank God I let myself undo that belief. Because if I don't undo that belief, I cannot have a house.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 44:01

You can't have it. I'm not saying it's an impossibility, but I'm saying the realm of possibility exists inside of where you're putting that limit. And so when we're talking about abundance, notice those caps. What are the places in your own capacities that you're putting a cap on? You're putting that limit on. Yeah. And maybe notice the places where you're invited to grow.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

What else would you offer as we wrap

All Things Are Possible

SPEAKER_00 44:25

this up? When you were just talking, I actually wrote down in all caps, all things are possible. Yes. The possibilities are infinite. I'm going to make a true statement when I say all things are possible to you. There are no limits. The limit is in your mind around what is possible. Those beliefs are able to be shifted. It doesn't mean it will be easy. Des does own her own house now. There's stories there of the growth that she has gone through. Yes. And that didn't happen overnight. It happened over years, decades, even, I would say, over your growth process. Yeah, she just held up her fingers for people who are watching the video. Two decades it took. But it, if we can let go of this, I need a microwave result, give me the formula and let me pop it in the microwave and I want it quick. If we can let go of that and recognize I'm building my beliefs over a lifetime, some of us have been gift been gifted from even birth or the environments we grew up in to have some really empowering beliefs. And some of us have had really difficult circumstances and life events that have actually knocked us and we are undoing sometimes generational belief systems. If we can simply hold on to the fact that all things are possible for me. Jesus said all things are possible to him who if we can hold that. This is a gradual expansion. It might be 1% over time. I've had significant moments that have drastically shifted my beliefs, but those are not the norm. That's not every single day. The consistency of showing up and going, it is possible. If I have a desire for more, that is not an unrealistic desire. It is okay. Jesus, when he fed the 5,000, had leftovers. All the men, the women, the children, they had leftovers. Jesus is not withholding abundance from you. He demonstrated the heart of the Father. He demonstrated his heart of generosity to give more than enough. If you recognize, oh, it's my spiritual beliefs that are holding me back. I've had some weird beliefs that I was raised with. Then start digging into what else could be true about what you've learned about God. Seek out places and people that will support your growth rather than hold you back. Your associations and your friendships matter when it comes to these kinds of things. And recognizing that it might be incremental and it might take time, but the process is worth it because where Des and I are at now, we would not trade. Even in the areas where we're still having to grow, our journey is not done. But man, compared to where we were 15, 20, 25 years ago, we are completely different people. I'm not the same person. And I recognize now that it's not about, and I just get to the finish line, you know, and Dez says this a lot is it is in the journey. The joy is actually in the process and the journey. And that's something that I've learned to embrace too, as somebody who used to be very vision and goal oriented. Totally. Now going, how can I embrace my day-to-day so that I enjoy this process? Yeah. So I'm not, there's so many things that I have dreams in my heart for that I don't know how I'm going to get there. I have no idea how some of these dreams are going to come to pass. But I have track records now because I've cultivated the gratitude and I've learned to pay attention to what is going well. Yeah. That now I have a playbook of, oh, look, here's the ways that God came through. Here's the things that I didn't know how it was going to happen. And it completely came together. That's why fueling our mind with how it is working out for us really empowers us to keep going forward. And if you're like, well, I've been really pessimistic or I haven't had the resources or I haven't done it, you know what? Today is today is a great day to start. It is really possible for you. I want you to know that if you can dream of it, if you can conceive of it, it is a possibility. I think that's something that if I could just open up the heart of every person listening to it and like brand that belief on their heart and into their mind, I would that would be my gift I'd want to leave everybody with.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

To wrap it up, because I have this strong belief that the journey is the gift, that it's about the journey. Not everything has turned out the way I thought. Even though things I've believed or I've expanded my container of belief, sometimes it didn't exactly always look the way I thought it was gonna look. And I also think that that's important because now it is informing my next level of growth. And it this is the process, this is the journey, this is the path. It's one step at a time. It hasn't always looked the way I thought, but it's always expanded me. It's always given me so much more than I could have imagined. I love your generosity of wanting to give everyone this beautiful gift of possibility. I feel it in my body. I know that you embody it so much. So thank you so much, Mal. This was so fun to do this episode with you.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Yeah, this was good. Feel free to comment or send us any DMs with any insights or questions or topics that you'd like us to share because this is something we love and we'll probably tackle again from multiple angles because it's been such a personal part of our journey on our road back to ourselves. Yes. And it's one that we really want to pull the wisdom and the nuggets we've picked up along the way and share them with others. So thanks for being here, listeners. We appreciate it. Thank you. Love you guys. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.