#29 – The 'How' Is Not Your Responsibility

In this inspiring episode, we explore the transformative power of stepping out on dreams without needing to know the 'how'. We’ll discuss trauma-informed approaches, trusting the process, and embracing uncertainty as part of spiritual and personal growth. You don't need to know the entire path in advance – you only need to take the next right step.

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Transcript

Introduction and Work Background

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Road Back Podcast. We're so glad you're here. I'm Melissa and I'm Desiree. We're two trauma-informed coaches and real life friends.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

If you're returning to yourself, your dreams, or your sense of belovedness, this podcast is for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

We'll pull from our own stories and hard-earned wisdom to support your journey. So take a breath and remember, you belong exactly as you are.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Des I'm feeling excited about today's episode because I feel like we're going to be able to help some people get unstuck today.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah, I think that talking about this is going to demystify so many parts of going after your dreams and just really being a human who wants to change anything in their life, not even just go after their biggest dream, but just make some changes. So I'm excited because I think we both love doing this for ourselves and for our clients.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

So yeah, this is going to be fun, guys. Today's topic is the how is not your responsibility. Before we dive into the conversation, we're going to just share a little bit about the work that we do because we both do client work and we both work in a field called life consulting. And we thought it might just be nice to create a little bit of framework to explain why we approach things the way we do, because we've done a lot of this work in our own life, but because we've done it with a lot of clients as well, it's been amazing to see the breakthrough that they get when they really start embracing this process. And it can be really encouraging to hear other people's success stories

What is Trauma-Informed Life Coaching?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

when you're going after dreams in your own life. Because for me, it fuels the, oh, if it's possible for them, it's possible for me too. So good. So Des, let's talk a little bit about life consulting. How would you describe it to somebody who's like, well, what is a life consultant anyway? That's the big question. We do get that question a bit.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

I I would say I'm in a trauma-informed emotional health life coach. It's a lot. That's why we just say life consultant. With training and understanding that the nervous system, many different uh therapeutic modalities, we really listen in and help the client hear stories, repeating patterns of their lives, how that nervous system informs those emotions, and really help clients just get more connected to themselves, whether that's processing trauma from the past, whether that's working through triggers in the present, and just really helping the client get connected to what's inside. And so that they can make powerful choices that will affect their life moving forward on their external world.

Understanding the Nervous System and Trauma

SPEAKER_00 2:48

That's a great way of putting it. I know uh one of the questions people ask me sometimes is, well, what exactly is trauma-informed? Because it's kind of a catchphrase. It's all the rage right now, like, oh, trauma this, trauma-informed that. One of the ways I like to think about it is rather than looking through the lens of what's wrong with you when it comes to your mental health, it's more coming from the place of what's happened to you in your life. When you come from a trauma-informed approach, I think that it helps explain people's behavior, not just necessarily from the dysfunctional place, because often we think of mental health issues or things like that, we might go, oh, this is the disorder or this is what's wrong with you. But when you actually come from the context of my upbringing, my childhood, this traumatic event, this circumstance, this culture that I grew up in, all these different things can have an impact on my ability to show up in a healthy way and a functional way. And so a trauma-informed approach tries to look at that through a lens of compassion and understanding how the nervous system is wired and then helping bring support and tools to unpack some of that story and begin to bring healing. The course that we did together, which is how we met, the pillars of that course were really compassion and empowerment, and I would even say nervous system regulation, where because core foundations of like being able to view our stories and our history and our trauma with compassion, because being able to bear witness and bring love into a situation and be able to receive that place, it's such a healing force. But then also not being stuck just in my past and the empowerment being where we are able to help people move forward and begin to really embrace some of those things that they know they were born for, the dreams, the desires, the hopes that they

Healing and Embracing Your Desires

SPEAKER_00 4:39

have for their lives. And it's very fulfilling work.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's extremely sacred because helping someone who might feel like their internal world doesn't make sense. But I hear you're saying it's like their story makes sense. You make sense, we make sense. This the choices we've made based on patterns and the histories and the traumas we've experienced, we make sense. I love what you're saying because we're helping the client get into those subconscious places, the places that are not often cognitive. And you're like, how am I here? Sometimes they're feeling like, I don't know how I got here. And we're helping them understand the subconscious things that have played into where they are in order to bring them to the consciousness so that they don't have to run your life anymore. And I think that when you think about a topic such as going for your dreams and you have permission to desire again, we will naturally hit up against the how. Like, well, then how is this going to happen? And so many of these things that keep us stuck or in the same place is a lot of these subconscious factors. And so I I love, I love this topic of just kind of demystifying it, breaking it down and unpacking it for everyone together.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, because what we do see is as I start to heal and as our clients start to heal, what naturally will happen is your dreams and desires will begin to come back online because inevitably you're getting reconnected with your identity, you're getting reconnected with your creativity. As those parts of you begin to heal, what will naturally happen is an emergence of dreams and desires that may have been suppressed or forgotten for sometimes many years will begin to speak again. They'll begin to spring to life. And so it's very satisfying to feel those desires. It can feel very exciting to kind of go, oh, yes, I do want this. I feel like I can maybe begin to go for it. But

The Trap of Not Knowing How

SPEAKER_00 6:31

if we're not careful that not being able to see how I'm gonna get from point A to point Z or the end of the journey can actually trip me up and stop me from making the forward progress that I want. So we want to unpack some of the tools that we have learned ourselves and the tools that we use with other people in order to help you get unstuck in some of the areas where you might be today as the listener.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah. So if your heart's ever wanted something and you're like, how in the world would that happen? How could that even be? I don't even know how that might come to pass. We are happy to have this conversation with you.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Let's start off by talking about where the trap is often for people. We've begun to touch on it. So you might know that you have a dream. Maybe you dream of writing a book one day, or you dream of being in a fulfilling, loving relationship or marriage, you want to get married and have kids, or maybe you dream of starting your own business. But how do you take it from the fantasy shelf and actually pull it into the practical walking it out place when you can't see where Mr. or Miss Wright is going to come from, or you can't see how you're going to get out of your corporate job and be able to launch your dream business that you've always dreamt of doing, when we can't see how we can fall into that place of it will never work, or I can't afford it. Maybe it's just safer if I just keep it in that fantasy world because I don't have to risk the disappointment

Fear, Responsibility, and Control

SPEAKER_00 8:03

of what if it fails?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

One of the things that I often hear is when they start to connect to their own desires, one of the limiting things, like the trap, I would say, is they actually think it's gonna inconvenience other people.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Oh, like I couldn't do this because it would take time from da-da-da-da, or oh my gosh, my kids are gonna have to make their own sandwiches, or you know, I've said all those things. I I had a hard time actualizing because this is very subconscious, but I needed to have an excuse just in case it didn't work out that I could blame it on. So I couldn't get the time off, I had to drive the kids somewhere. And I think that we all do this in different ways. The story could be that there's some unforeseen, made-up reason because it hasn't actually happened yet, but we're using that to stop us. That's the trap. So it could be I don't have the money, or how could I ever leave my kids for a week? Or how how would I have time to do homework and do this thing since I want to change my life? But we all kind of fill in that blank of something because we we need to have that little out.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

I think as humans, we want to feel safe and we want to feel certain. We all have a human need for a level of certainty. Now, we also have a need for uncertainty. There's a part of us that needs some adventure and needs some variety, but different ones of us have different capacities for those things. I have quite a high level of being able to handle uncertainty because I love adventure. But there's certain areas of my life where I crave a lot of certainty. And when it comes to stepping out on a dream or desire, let's just use the example. You want to start your own business and you're, you're working, or maybe you're even just a full-time mom and you're you're being faced with the opportunity of do I step out on this dream? I think

The Role of Faith and Spirituality

SPEAKER_00 9:56

that that line of, well, I can't see how it's gonna happen, or I don't know how I'm gonna afford it. I can't afford it, I can't get babysitting, I just don't have the time. All of those things are our own systems trying to protect us from the fear of the uncertainty of I can't control what the outcome's gonna be. Certainty and control go hand in hand. If I have a high need for control, then often it might feel tricky for me to step out on something where I can't see exactly how it's going to work before I take that first step.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Right. Another way of saying this, especially through a nervous system lens, is that the nervous system equates control to safety or certainty to safety. If I this is certain, then it's safe and we can proceed. And so many of our dreams and desires, we can't know. We just can't know how it's gonna be before we actually walk it out. And that's where a lot of people just stop. I see this client after client and you know, business people I sit with, their own businesses and processing what to do. We just don't exactly know until you know. But the nervous systems is through your brain saying it's not safe to do it unless we're certain. And so we're talking about a kind of a paradigm shift. Sometimes it the nervous system story, it seems wise to us. It seems like, wow, this is so thoughtful.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

But it's actually just fear, it's just still fear, but it's masquerading as wisdom, sometimes frugality, or you know, I'm being responsible with my money, or I have these commitments to these people over here and I wouldn't want to let them down. There are times where that actually would be the appropriate response. And there are times where it is actually a protection mechanism to stop us from having to step out on something that feels scary to us. So true.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Yeah, that's where there's a lot of self-awareness to know what I'm calling wisdom. Is that actually fear? Or in this situation, this is the right embodied, authentic choice that's best for me. And that's why this situation is so not black and white, and that's why getting support is so helpful.

Wisdom vs Fear

SPEAKER_01 12:19

I would say that oftentimes when perception of wisdom is in the future, I'm gonna know all the answers. If I'm future tripping, most likely it's fear and that wisdom. That's just a little nugget that I use. If I'm like I'm six months in the future and I can see something going wrong, I'm probably just afraid because I don't even know if that thing's really gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

So that helps me distinguish a lot of times as just a little practical thing between fear and especially if your future vision is instilling more anxiety, it's making you more concerned, it's holding you back. Yeah. When when you're thinking through a lens of possibility, there is a sense of hope, I find, that's often connected to it. And there's a sense of openness. If the things I'm thinking about are causing me to contract and shut down, even then that's often a cue to me as well. It's like, okay, is this actually fueling my faith or is this fueling my fear here? I think one of the reasons this feels so important to me is because when I have seen clients get past that fear hurdle and take the leap, I've actually never seen it not ultimately work out. I I same, I can't speak 100% across the board for people I don't know, but the people that I have worked with who have persevered, because here's the thing: your dream is never the shortest distance between two points. It's never just like A, B, C, boom, I'm there. It's like one of those meandering roads. There's twists and turns, there's unexpected highs, unexpected opportunities, is unexpected beauty, and there can be unexpected challenges when you choose to go on what you could say is the hero's journey or that journey of actually discovering and stepping into those things that are in your heart. But I have never seen somebody who was willing to stay the course, who didn't ultimately end up in an incredible place that if you ask them, okay, knowing what you know now, even with the challenges, would you do this again? They're like, Yep, hands down, I would do this again because where I'm at now, who I've grown into as a person, the ways I've developed, the ways I've faced my fears and I've conquered them, the ways that I have been able to expand my capacity for stepping into the unknown without needing to know every step. That's personally for me, one of my biggest growth points is my ability

Trusting the Process and Surrendering

SPEAKER_00 14:48

to step out into things where I can't see how it's going to work out yet, because I now have a history book in my life of story after story after story where I stepped out and then people that I've loved have stepped out and people that I've worked with have stepped out, and we're like, oh, look, it worked out. I can trust the voice of my heart. I can trust that nudge. I can trust the Holy Spirit promptings, the desires inside of me. And it feels important to me to talk about this. And we talk about dreams a lot, but it's because I know so many people who get stuck. And my heart and your heart is like, how do we give people tools so that they can wake up into those aspects of their identity and their DNA that deep inside, they're like, if I could do this, I feel like I would absolutely be living the thing that I was born and put on earth to do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

I love your flex. I'll call it your flex, like the thing that you feel like you've grown this ability, because I think that one of the places I've really tried to focus on is remembering that life isn't about certainty. That's actually not what this whole earth situation is about. In fact, I would say it's probably more true that unknown and the uncertainty of it is one of the most consistent aspects of being a human on this earth because of acknowledging that. Because I've been able to say, you know what? My dream isn't even about certainty. The goal of my dream is not about a certain even outcome. It's about the process of me being connected to it, giving it momentum, giving it movement, giving it voice, giving it heart. Because I've really worked on that, I'm like, this is actually more important because certainty's never been guaranteed. And if you want to bring in the spiritual ends, which I think about this all the time, oh, God doesn't say that there's not going to be any trouble. He says the opposite. There will be challenge, my friends. Like he's like, children, like there will be challenge, there will be uncertainty, there will be pain, there will be loss, but it's okay. Cause I've overcome all those things. I am enough in all those things. You will find the grace and the ability to find love through it all. And that helps me when my nervous system is trying to tell me that story of like, uh-oh, don't you remember 10 years ago you tried to do that thing and you it hurt you, like something bad happened. I'm like, yeah, but guess what? I am okay. That's true. And probably if I move forward, I will have some challenge again. But I think I'm

Reframing Certainty and Mystery

SPEAKER_01 17:33

gonna be okay. I will have what I need to keep going. So I think working just in a frameworks of belief about life can really help you demystify just how, like, how I have to know everything. I'm like, that's not even the whole point.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

If you can get to a place where you believe that life is working for you, not happening to you, that will fundamentally change the lens through which you view opportunities and view dreams. If I'm not sure if life is against me, then I'm always going to be waiting for potentially for the other shoe to drop. I have to brace myself for the next thing going wrong. And it's understandable when we've had experiences in the past that have taken us by surprise and maybe blindsided us. It makes sense. That's where that trauma-informed lens comes in. It makes sense. I'm bracing myself if I had things happen that I didn't expect that took me by surprise and knocked me and took me time to recover from. Yes, of course. And if I can reframe and see my life as like even in the hardships, things are being worked together for my good. My life is always working for me. I am not a victim of my circumstances. There's always an opportunity for goodness to come from this. I feel like that's so helpful in even reframing the disappointments and the hardships because, like you said, Des about the journey. It's like, oh, but all of that has grown me into the woman that I am today. I like who I am when I look in the mirror. I like who this person has developed into. And I couldn't always say that because I wasn't always sure that life was working for me. But being able to embrace that and instill that, being able to rewire that into my deeper subconscious psyche, that is a big deal. And it helps when it comes to stepping out into some of those unknowns. Because I'll say this now and I'm sure we'll reiterate it again through the podcast. You only need to take the next right step. The how is not your responsibility because this was always designed to be a journey of faith. Well, if you're a person of faith or if you're a person of spiritual inclination, you are designed to co-create your future, pulling things from the unseen realm and releasing them into the seen realm. Uh that's not a path of certainty. That is a path of creation. And the creative process, you think if you've ever created anything in your life, whether it be music, whether it be art, whether it be writing, whether it be baking a cake, there's always an element of even if I follow the ingredients exactly, every cake I've made has turned out slightly different. Every loaf of bread I've made is slightly turned out different. When I written things, when I've begun to create things, the actual act of the creative process not only develops character in you, but that's half the fun. And then the result is almost never exactly what you're thinking it's going to be. There's always going to be an element of surprise. And that's the beauty of operating by faith and not just by sight. There's the invitation into the process. And I think that we sell ourselves short when we start let fear stop us from taking those steps simply because we can't see what step seven

God’s Role in Your Journey

SPEAKER_00 20:55

is going to be in the in the 10 steps to get to the place that we need to go to.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Right. At step two, we can't know we we don't know what seven is. So then we stop at step two. It sounds like you've done a beautiful reframe. It's a reframing between certainty and mystery. I'm gonna call it mystery. And if you can feel more comfortable in the mystery, that helps you stay connected to your identity, to your heart. I think it helps us stay more connected to God. Yes. Because exactly is so much bigger than me. Like I'm so afraid of this thing happening in the future. I'm not really allowing for who God is to be present in the right now. It's a barrier between communing with God and trusting God. We're we're talking about like deep spiritual concepts in such a practical way, but we're hoping just to kind of flip some things, flip some scripts and demystify what fear is. You can choose to be more present when I get too far. Ahead, that is is is the zone where I you literally don't have the presence, neither presence of yourself or the presence of God in. So what do I have presence in now?

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

I have presence with myself, I have presence with my heart. I can I notice what it's desiring, I notice what it's wanting. I have presence with God now. What's the next best thing? Yes. What's the next right thing for me to do? Yes. And you know what?

SPEAKER_00 22:27

People usually know what the next step is.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

I have asked so many people this. And I say, you probably have had an idea in your head for a while, and they're like, yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Every time. Uh-huh. Every time. I have never asked somebody who is honest and then been like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

I just think that people don't take that inner voice very seriously. And I've actually had conversations with clients. What do you want to do? I have no idea. I don't know anything about myself. And then we talk and we talk and we talk. And she has like four book ideas, clear plots and storylines, but she hasn't acknowledged them as ideas. She hasn't acknowledged them as her heart's desires. And I think that that's one of the main parts of what we're doing in our work often is just helping people be like, that's what that is. Disconnect the dumps. Disconnect the dumb.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

That thing that you keep daydreaming about all the time, that's a clue right there. That could be your next right step. That could be your next right step. Or the thing bugging you in your head feels like a far-off dream. It's like zooming back into the present moment and going, Well, what could I do today? I could look up that thing on online. I could call and book that appointment. It's usually incredibly practical. Yes. And it can be so practical

The Beauty of the Unknown and Seashells Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 23:48

that sometimes we want to discount it because the dream feels so far off. We're kind of like waiting for this angelic appearance in the sky or something like a trumpet blast from heaven telling us this is what you're supposed to do. And it's like, no, no, no. That next step is right in front of you. Believe me, that next step is going to lead you to your next step, which will then lead you to your next step. Sometimes you might know two to three steps in advance. But if we're not careful, we'll go, well, I don't, like we said, step seven. I don't know step seven. So I'm not prepared to take step one. I mean, I'm just telling on myself here, too.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

That's why I'm laughing. I know, I know that's why you're laughing. We're like, yeah, we're telling on ourselves here too. We have done this so much that we won't want anyone else to do it because for one, it's heartbreaking. It, oh man, the amount of time I've lost on letting that be the reason I didn't do it. Yes. It's it's painful.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

It is painful. It's part of the reason that we care about talking about this. You were talking before about mystery and saying, you know, had I grown comfortable with mystery. There's a verse in Proverbs that says it's the glory of God to conceal a matter, but it's the glory of kings to search it out. And I think humans sometimes, because we want that certainty, sometimes we can just be like, give me the formula. Just give me the five steps, and I'll do the five steps, and I don't even want to have to think about it beyond that. Just tell me what to do and I'll go do it. God is so relational that He is inviting us into, and we talk about co-creation a lot, but that's what it is. When people talk about manifesting, really I'm thinking like I use the word manifesting sometimes because it also makes sense to me, but really I'm thinking it's just like co-creating my future with God and pulling things again from that invisible, like I can't see it tangibly yet, but I can see it in my mind's eye. I can see it in my imagination. If I can conceptualize of it, then I know it's at least a possibility. Now, am I gonna have the stamina or the grace to walk it out? I don't know. I feel like some things I dream of might not be for me, but that's where we lean into some of those beliefs that if life's working out for me always, then I can trust that even if the end result doesn't look exactly the way I dreamed it would, I know that it's gonna be this or something better. It's gonna be the ultimately best outcome for me. Because you think of any journey that you start, before you've gone on the journeys, there's been plenty of times I thought I knew what I needed. But when we got into the actual process, you're like, oh, what I actually wanted or what I actually needed was this thing over here. And I didn't have the vantage point when I started to be able to see clearly. And that's why embracing the journey is so important because the discovery process that you go on as you're walking it out is so important in actually leading you to the place that you ultimately need to end up.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah. What you said about realizing what you actually need on the way while you're doing the thing is that's when you actually get the information. I was thinking about certainty and mystery and kind of that big reframe because uh sometimes I I like to use logical leverage of how many times did I think I knew what I needed, similarly to you. So it's a little nuanced. It was like, I how I thought this was gonna go, and then the thing did not come that way, people. I was trying to be generous with percentages. I was like, maybe like 25% of the time it went the way I thought it was, but I was like, I don't even think that that's true because you can't know before you do the thing. You just cannot. It's impossible. We don't get the whole plan. There's just never been like that. There are times I thought I knew what I was gonna do, and that kind of gave me that illusion of certainty. And so I went out, but I was like, oh, this is not what I thought. And so I tell myself, hey, even if I don't know, I don't have that certainty, just keep going. Uh that's that feels helpful because you know, I like to kind of debunk parts of my brain that's trying to tell me, we have to know with 95% certainty. And I'm like, well, no, actually, the mystery is safe enough. The mystery is safe enough. That's good. It's worked for me in the past. It's probably gonna keep working.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Yeah. Yeah, being able to sit with that mystery and that uncertainty and okay, it's not revealed yet, but I know that as I ask, I seek, I knock. Ask and it will be given

The Importance of Vision and Clarity

SPEAKER_00 28:09

to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. God is inviting you to engage. Ask for what you want. Yes. If you're ever too concerned that, like, oh, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to tread on God's will for my life like He needs to tell me. This is a verse that's telling you that you are allowed to ask for what you want. You are allowed to seek it out. You are allowed to knock on doors and ask them to be open for you. It is not wrong for you to take proactive measures in your life to step out towards things. And it's something that I struggled with for many years, and I've seen many well-meaning Christians struggle with because there's it can be this passivity that can creep into our lives, thinking that it's all on God. If it's God's will, He'll make it happen. But that's not even what the Bible says. And it can unfortunately get us stuck in these little, like you're kind of going around the roundabout, just circle an idea, but never really making that forward progress. And it's why I push towards dreaming and doing. You want to have the vision because without vision, again, the Bible says without vision, people perish. They cast off restraint. It's they don't have a way to go. And I know the times when I don't have a lot of vision in my life, I tend to be more wishy-washy, too easily influenced by everything else around me because I don't have any kind of conviction or direction. So the value of knowing what you want is really important. And the value of taking that next right step is important. And there is the value of going, there is a role for me to play, but the mystery in the parts I don't understand, there is the role that God plays as well. This doesn't fall solely on my shoulders. Just because I can't see how I can afford it yet doesn't mean I shouldn't step out.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Something

Empowerment and Letting Go of Victimhood

SPEAKER_01 29:54

I think is so important for the listener to know is especially when we're talking about the how not being your responsibility, is this these pillars from someone who has felt a lot of victimhood in her story. If God doesn't do it, I can't do it. So we're moving into more empowerment. And I think that feels like such a huge shift in people's surf systems. You could probably see this in our client work. They're like, wait a second, I can choose what I believe and think. I can choose to reframe uncertainty towards mystery. It's a very empowering experience. Even naming what they desire, that's so powerful. That in itself is life-changing. I totally agree. So we see this empowerment. And what I think is so lovely about what you're talking about, especially connecting to faith and even holding a little bit of mystery is that it's not all on you. Yes. You do what you're supposed to do, and I'm guarantee you this is as true as I know God is, and I know it to sure as the sun rises in the sky and the moon at night. Like it is a hundred percent sure to me, God will be there. You will be met with what you need. Doesn't mean it's not challenging. It doesn't mean it won't cause you to grow, probably more than you ever thought. Because I'll speak that's true. I'm like, I never thought I'd have to grow this much. I didn't think it was gonna feel like this to grow this much. Fill in the blank. I think we've said this quote before. It's by Rooney, but as you go along the way, the way will appear. And I think that's really activating in a such a metaphorical way is like I if I start to take the step, then the path will appear before me. I will be met with ground to hold my feet, and then I can keep going and keep going. And so there is that universal risk. And then there's the gift of discovering that you will be met, and that's what we mean by the how is not on you. Your job is to do the step, and God's job is God's job, and he does all the rest that you can't even think or imagine. We can't even begin to fathom the limitless ways that he can meet us and he will meet us.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

So good, Des. You know, one of my favorite words is serendipity. I love that word so much. Yeah. And it's like it means like a happy coincidence of the things that show up in your life that you couldn't have predicted. You couldn't have predicted that it would show up that way. But because you're willing to take that step out and let the ground meet you as you're willing to step, there's something exhilarating. And then it comes together and you're going, how did that happen? Oh, yeah, it's not my responsibility. I feel like God sits back there sometimes just like, come on, baby girl, take the step, take the step. I've got an awesome surprise just waiting around the corner if you can just take that next step. And it's going to be so much better because he's the one who can do exceeding abundantly above all that we could ask, think, or imagine. So you think on your wildest, best possible case scenario, he can do exceedingly abundantly above that. And I have seen that when I have been willing to let go and surrender the how, because the how is his responsibility. That's essentially what we've been saying. Yeah. My responsibility is to take the next right action. My responsibility is to ask, seat, knock, get clear on what I is I want. And when I my other, my other responsibility is to even ask him for guidance along the way or acknowledge him in all my ways. He will direct my paths. There is the role. It's not all or nothing. It's not, I don't do anything, I just sit here, and if it's God's will, he makes it happen. And it's not, God doesn't have anything to do with it and all rests on my shoulders. And if I can't figure out a way how to make it happen, then I'm screwed. It is this beautiful dance and partnership with God and with me, where he is like, these seeds of desires are inside you. Let me help you cultivate them. Part of the way you're going to cultivate them is by learning to walk by faith and not by sight. It is learning to follow that inner blueprint that is in here that I see with the eyes of my imagination. I see it with the eyes of my heart. I'm not looking out here for all the confirmation, although the external confirmation can come. Initially, you and me, the people we work with, anyone who's wanting to grow growth of be able to follow their heart, being able to grow their intuition, being able to follow their dreams. You have to go through that process where you're going, I am willing to look inward and start where I'm at. There's times that I can't see the whole picture. I just know I have the inkling and I know I have the desire. And that can be something else that will trip people up. They're going, well, I can't see the whole picture. And I would say, then start with what you can see. Start with the step you have and the vision you have. And I've heard this analogy used before. You could start driving at night from San Francisco. And if you only chose to drive drive at night from San Francisco to New York, your headlights would only light maybe a few hundred feet in front of you, but you could still get from one side of the country to the other with only having that bit of space illuminated for you if you simply just kept following. You don't need to see the entire path from San Francisco to New York. You just need to see as far as you can and keep following that. And so that's something else that I know for myself, it sometimes tripped me up because it's like, oh, well, I need clarity of vision. Well, I can't see the entire vision. And so maybe I can't step out. Again. No, no, just step back. What can I see? What's in there right now? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

What can I see?

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Because then I find that as I honor what I can see and I honor the step that's in front of me, the next thing will be revealed. Sometimes I think God just likes to work with us on a need-to-know basis. He's like, if I showed you the whole picture right now, you'd freak out too much. So so just let's just do this. Let's just go with what you could see. You think you'd you could, but you can't handle that.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Totally. That's what I loved about the Camino is that, you know, all the pilgrims are just following seashells or arrows.

Practical Steps: Starting Where You Are

SPEAKER_01 36:18

And, you know, just looking for the next seashell. And that's how you know you're on the right path. And that's how you know which way to go. And so you could be walking a mile, you could be walking a couple miles, you could be walking just a couple feet. It's all varied. And isn't that the way life is? Sometimes we're just like, oh, seashell, seashell, okay. And then you're like, man, did I misread that last arrow? And you start to look around. And all of that's so normal. But that's kind of how life is. It is a pilgrimage, it is a journey. And there will be seashells. There will be moments of you're like, okay, this is the next step. This is the the way to go. But we can't note every left, right, straight ahead over the bridge. Like, that's not the point. And wouldn't that be boring? It would be. But what would we be just spending all of our time doing? Like we have to live in the in-between. Yeah. I love what you're sharing for the listener because it's like, I wonder if there is a desire they've missed. Maybe one of those seashells that they start to need to notice, to come become clear about, or start to acknowledge, or maybe maybe there's a a step that they've been holding out on because they don't have the next five. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

What do you want? That's even what I'd say. Like, what do you want? Start there. What do you want? And when you can understand that, maybe you have a picture or you you might know really clearly, or maybe not so much, but I would sit with that. And I'm a big fan of writing things down. I think there's something really powerful about the physical act of writing. I find it to be really helpful for me to even process things. And it's just giving yourself space to ask, what do I want? And even being willing to evaluate like maybe something I wanted five years ago. Do I want that now? Taking time to notice where things have worked out in your life already really helps to fuel when you're feeling nervous.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Yeah, I think that finding what we want is probably one of the most vulnerable feelings. To acknowledge, like I actually want that. Let it be. Let it let it be there. Let yourself acknowledge it, feel that vulnerability, and realize that it's sacred. It's a sacred seashell. It's a sacred sign. It is. And it's important. And we want you to acknowledge it. Mel and Des are cheering you on for sure. We are 100%.

Celebrating Success Stories

SPEAKER_00 38:40

We've seen a lot of people step into things. We've seen people step into their dream job, step into their dream business. I've seen people find the relationship of their dreams. Des what have you seen? Yeah, we've seen people quit jobs.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Yeah. Pivot their lives and change their lives. Um acknowledge their own hearts for the first time in 50 years. That's so, so beautiful. Rediscover themselves. I think all of that is such a success story when it comes to letting go of the how and just following what we

Inspiration to Step Out and Trust

SPEAKER_01 39:11

know. I've seen so many brave and courageous clients and people I'm always inspired. Yes. I am always inspired by the people I work with and the people I collaborate with and quote unquote like I mentor, but they're mentoring me and they're teaching me and you know, uh inspiring me. When someone is connected to their hearts and they're like, this is an important part of being alive. And my heart's worth the effort, it's worth the risk, it's worth the support I need to give it when it gets afraid. Bringing in this sense of like, I'm gonna walk this path. Yeah. I'm gonna I'm gonna remind my heart as many times as needed that it's worth walking this path out. This is what life is about in the journey. To me, it's probably one of the most inspiring. So inspiring things. So inspiring.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Yeah. Yeah. So if you want to be inspired, step out and do something that is in your heart to do and as much as you can surround yourself with other people who are doing it as well. Because, like you said, Des, I get so inspired by people's bravery and courage because it takes boldness to step out on a desire of your heart and to let go and to surrender. There's such a place of surrender where you're going, I don't know how this is gonna work, but I am worthy of giving my dreams a voice, and I am worthy of stepping out on them even when I can't see exactly how it's gonna work out. Like I said earlier, I've never seen somebody follow that path through who didn't end up in such an extraordinary place that they were blown away, myself included. Blown away by how it all came together. So Yeah. We're grateful to have you here, friends. Thanks for joining us yet again on another episode of the Road Back podcast. Bye, friends. See you soon.